HOW MUCH CAN ONE TAKE?

I had made a decision last October to move in with a friend to help share expenses. Within a period of a week the move turned out not to be a good idea. We had been forced to move back into our old house.

The expenses of the move cost quite a bit of money. As a result we had been fighting tooth and nail to get caught up with our bills.

At the time my son was employed at Walmart. Needless to say Walmart's hours are not consistent. Part-time employee's are subject to Walmart's budget weekly. It seems they can never balance the budget. One week an employee may work 35 hours and the next week only 15. It is very hard to count on any sort of average income.

My son eventually left Walmart to work as a stock man at a local store. It had been a Godsend. He was making over $100.00 more a week. It was steady income. We had begun to get caught up with our bills. Literally, the light was at the end of the tunnel!

Well this all came to an end.

In the next two weeks following my sons suicide attempt we have been overrun with more crisis. My son lost his job. Everything just went down hill.

Our gas was turned off. The electricity was turned off a week later. We had no lights, Internet and no phone. To top it off on the day our gas was turned off we got another surprise. I looked out the window and seen a police car in front of my house. My son's car had expired license plates because we had not had the money. The cop put a ticket on my son's car and a tow sticker. The car was going to be towed the same day.

I just could not believe it. Why now? Why at this point in time did this have to happen? 

My son still weak from his suicide attempt and I had to clean out the garage to put the car inside. This was not a small feat given the fact that the garage had not been touched since the move last year. We had just moved all the boxes and furniture inside the garage.

We finally managed to push the car into the garage. My son and I were literally exhausted both physically and mentally. All the physical stress caused the wounds on his arms to open. He was bleeding again. Exhausted my son cleaned his wounds and went to bed.

Seeing my son like this and all these issues we were experiencing just felt like I was in a nightmare. Everything seemed surreal. I just laid on my bed staring at the ceiling thinking "What are we going to do?"

I suffer from Agoraphobia, PTSD, Severe Anxiety and Panic Attacks and physical ailments. I am on Social Security Disability resulting from years of traumatic life changing events. I have not worked in five years. This turn of events has just taken its toll once more.

I kept saying to myself, "Why? What is the lesson to be learned from all of this?" I cried out "Lord, I cannot take this anymore! I am tired. Please help me dear Lord." I do not know what it was but I just stopped crying and fell asleep.

When I woke up my mind had cleared. I started to think of my past and how I was able to overcome so many obstacles. My son and I have been on this road before. We have had our gas turned off. We went through a whole winter on space heaters and a lot of blankets. We cooked on electric hot plates and heated our water.

We had the electricity turned off more than once. The most memorable was on my son's birthday. I will never forget how sad my son was that day. I did everything I could to make it into an adventure. We played games in the candlelight. We were the Adventurers! I told him stories of how at one time just sitting in a house with candlelight was a luxury. I would dare say this was probably one of my sons most memorable birthdays both good and bad. We laugh about it till this day.

I kept thinking about the people around me and what they have been through. I had especially thought of my friend Ken. He had just been through a two year terrible divorce battle. He lost everything, his house, his savings and most of all his stepson. "My ex-wife poisoned his mind", Ken stated. He had to move back in with his parents. This is not even the worst of it. Two years ago he had a heart attack from all the stress. Prior to that he had had a stroke.

He is unemployed and was still forced to pay half of his wife's legal expenses in sixty days post divorce. Where was he going to come up with $8,000.00 with no job? He informed the judge of his situation. She told him that if he did not come up with the money he would go to jail. She informed him he would then have to sell what assets he had. This included his truck and tools. By trade he was a mechanic and needed those tools to do his job.

He wound up borrowing some of the money from his parents. This caused so much tension in the household. They were arguing all the time. Then one day Ken just packed up his stuff and disappeared. No one knew where he was.

Sometime later he came to my house and we talked all night. He told me he had a breakdown. He said, "Gianna. I just could not take it anymore. I was thinking of killing himself. " We talked things out. He left seemingly much happier than when he arrived.

Over time we have become closer. We are now each others sounding board. He recently confided in me that his doctor informed him he just had a mild stroke. She told him he has to have heart surgery right away. If not, he is at risk of having another heart attack which could be fatal. Not only does that concern me but he has not told anyone, not even his parents. He is a walking time bomb and living each day with courage and determination!

I thought to myself, my situation is nothing compared to his. We are going to be able to get through this I shouted with great determination. I do not know how but all I know is, it is in God's hands.